Disgrace

Ironically, I want to talk about the word “disgrace.” It is a word used almost every paragraph in Dostoyevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. I looked up the word and found several definitions:
Noun: the loss of esteem, respect, or honor.
Verb: to put out of grace or favor.
Antonyms: honor.
(Grace: a manifestation of favor, especially from a superior or moral strength)
Dostoyevsky talks about how everything that Fyodor Karamazov does is a “disgrace.” In fact, Fyodor himself admits that he is a disgrace. I think that this connects back to the idea of elders. Maybe it is difficult for Fyodor to live with grace because he has never been granted “a manifestation of favor” from an elder—he has never succumbed his will to the hands of a man of the church. Despite this, Fyodor is a happy man. He seems to be a bit backwards. He is not afraid of Hell, nor is he afraid of being disgraceful.
I looked up the definitions for disgrace. I feel like that makes me the person that Fyodor tries very hard not to be. He defines his own life—he does not live in the “Catholic” way, for they have defined how the life should be lived. But how could one possibly be happy living under the control of another.
I have not made up my mind about Fyodor, nor about his sons. I can’t decide who I think is right and whether there is a wrong or right.
More is to come. Those are just ideas. Until I read more, that is all I have.
Towey